Scolding someone is like giving them a cut, giving them a small cut with your words on the hand. Maybe it will serve its purpose, and the cut will heal and everything will be okay. You needed to get their attention. But you must not do it everyday, all the time.
Some children end up with psychological scars because they have been cut (scolded) everyday. Scold, scold everyday and they wind up psychologically disadvantaged because of that kind of treatment. Because somebody has the words, but words that are cruel; and they use them too often, all the time rather than saving them up as a tool of last resort. They just cut and scold all the time, and kids sometimes have a hard time working out of this because of that kind of environment. “Too severe, it’s too severe”, we say.
In some countries if you steal, they cut off your hand. In our country we’d say, “That’s a bit too severe isn’t it?” But guess what they say, “It is very effective.” Ask someone who has stolen, “Did you ever steal anything else?” And most assuredly they will answer, “Are you kidding with just one hand – No!” So it is effective, but we say too severe.
So parents, let me talk to you about cruel and unusual scolding. You must be gifted in thinking of ways to effectively communicate with your children. Now sometimes severity is needed as a last, last resort. John Kennedy’s father, “Old Joe”, said this to John, and you will see when I give it to you that it will serve you in so many ways. Now here is what “Old Joe” said: “If it is not necessary to change, it is necessary not to change.” I am sure you got that message now.
If it is not absolutely necessary to scold, then it is necessary not to scold. If it is not necessary to use sarcasm, then it is necessary in your communication not to use sarcasm. If it is not necessary to get angry, then it is necessary not to get angry; you get the idea.
If a parent screams all day at her children, the kids finally get used to it. They learn to say, “Momma, she just screams all day.” Kids come over to visit and the kids say, “Don’t mind Momma, she’s just a screamer, she just screams all day.” So the kids are just used to it. But now here is the big problem… when the 3-year old child heads for the street and a truck is coming and Momma screams; and nobody pays any attention.
See Momma should save up her screams, so the day it becomes a necessary tool of last resort, and she does scream, the world stops! See that’s the key. These are called, “Tools of Last Resort”, use them well!
